Q. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".

Q. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A. A Clausterphobic

Q. What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A. The Space bar!

Q. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A. Because he was sitting on the deck!

Q. What do lawyers wear to court?
A. Lawsuits!

Q. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!

Q. What kind of button won't unbutton?
A. A bellybutton!

Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

Q. What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A. Sneakers.

Q. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
A. So he could tie the score.

Q. How do baseball players stay cool?
A. Sit next to their fans.

Q. Why were the giant's fingers only eleven inches long?
A. Because if they were twelve inches long, they'd be a foot.

Q. Why did the barber win the race?
A. Because he took a short cut.

Q. Why did the child study in the airplane?
A. He wanted a higher education!

Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?
A. Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A. She couldn't control her pupils!

Q. What disappears when you stand up?
A. Your lap.

Q. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?
A. A doctopus!

Q. Why did the teacher jump into the lake?
A. Because she wanted to test the waters!

Q. Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
A. He wanted the lesson to be very clear!

Q. What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
A. Flood lights!

Q. Which month do soldiers hate most?
A. The month of March!

Q. What did the painter say to the wall?
A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!

Q. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
A. In case they get a hole in one!